Mountain Causes: Camp helps kids overcome grief

HENDERSONVILLE-- At first glance, Camp Heart Songs looks like your typical summer camp, complete with crafts, songs and, a camp favorite, the zipline.

But Camp Heart Songs isn't a normal summer camp. It's a grief camp.

The annual two-day event, hosted at Camp Tekoa in Hendersonville, is for children who have experienced the death of a loved one. Organized by Four Seasons Compassion for Life, the free program aims to create a safe, open space for kids to understand and grow in the grieving process.

I was invited to spend a morning at Camp Heart Songs. As I drove down Hendersonville's winding back roads that August morning, I didn't know what to expect. Would it be sad? Uncomfortable? Would there be a lot of crying?

But when I pulled up in front of the registration area, I was greeted by a large, bright sign and a group of cheerful staff members, conjuring up memories of my own happy days at summer camp.

While the campers were settling in to their cabins, camp coordinator Blair Simmons and I had a chance to chat.

For Simmons, Camp Heart Songs' mission is personal. Simmons lost her father when she was 15, and since, she's dedicated her life to helping children and families through difficult times.

Simmons said that Camp Heart Songs is filling a unique void.

"There was a need for kids to just come and have a weekend to relate to one another, to share their experiences and help grow in their journey," Simmons said. "We talk about the journey from hurt to healing and so just working to help them identify where they are in their grief process and what steps they need to take to help them move through this."

Camp Heart Songs has activities you may expect from a grief camp, such as a candle-lit remembrance ceremony. But there's also activities you could expect at any camp, including a mud pit and crafts.

All of the activities, however, are tied back to the grief process. In arts and crafts, each camper makes a frame to house a picture of their loved one. When they're gearing up for the zipline, counselors lead campers in a discussion that relates the process to the challenges of grieving.

Camp Heart Songs has a diverse range of campers, too. There are campers who lost their loved one five years ago, and those whose loss is as recent as a month or two. The youth range in age from 6- to 12-years-old.

The diversity is intentional, Simmons said.  Campers further along in their grief journey are able help those who are still raw with loss.

Marissa Livingston lost her older sister, Lyric, in June. Livingston is a bright, bubbly 11-year old and we became fast friends during arts and crafts.

"(I came to camp) mostly to help me get through. I’m having a harder time sleeping because Lyric was my room buddy," Livingston said. "I would read her a book and I told her all my secrets. We had a really good bond."

She told me about Lyric's love of the beach and how she always used to braid her hair.

I was struck by Livingston's willingness to speak about her sister, and throughout the day I was constantly surprised at the kids' openness.

As adults, I think we often think of grief as taboo or uncomfortable, not a subject easily broached in everyday conversation. I think we might even be scared of it.

But it's this openness that Camp Heart Songs, more than anything else, hopes to foster.

"A lot of these campers don’t want to feel these emotions. Feeling grief is not easy," Simmons said. "But once they identify that those emotions are okay to feel, then its just so opening and it's breaking down a wall.

"They feel empowered to embrace grief. That it opens the door to more communication in their family, it opens the door for them as they begin school they can start to talk to their friends about what's going on."

During a spare moment, 11-year-old Daphne McCoy was chatting with a counselor about her father, who passed away.

Another camper, a boy about the same age, overheard and walked over. "Hey, you lost your dad, too?" the boy asked.

McCoy nodded, and turned to face him as the boy sat down beside her.

Leave it to kids who have experienced death to teach us all a little something about life.

This is the opinion of Claire Hansen. Each week a Citizen-Times reporter volunteers around Asheville and shares their adventure with our readers. If you'd like us to visit your group, contact reporter Beth Walton at bwalton@citizen-times.com or 828-232-5851. More at www.citizen-times.com/mountaincauses.

Get Involved

Camp Heart Songs is always in need of volunteers and support. For information, call or email Blair Simmons at (828)-233-0334 or bsimmons@fourseasonscfl.org. More at www.fourseasonscfl.org/what-we-offer/bereavement-services/heart-songs-program-for-children/camp-heart-songs/